Today I find out the gender of my baby I really don’t know whether to be excited or afraid if it’s a boy he won’t have that father figure in his life since I ran Dan away who knows if he’s going to want to be a part of this baby’s life or not I still kick myself for my actions but that’s the way life goes if we are meant to be together maybe the future will change for the better. But what if I’m having a girl who’s going to be her role model I’m not exactly the best person for anyone’s child never mind mine to look up to. Well whatever it is I will try my best to make sure he/she doesn’t turn out the way I did. For the first time in a long while today I will be going by myself to the scan well at least I’ll have my baby kicking me keeping me company sad right but I guess I got to get used to it just being us two ahhh… the life.
Stepping into the maternity area was like walking into high school for the first time I’ve never seen so many young people here in my life it’s like a growing disease everybody is getting pregnant I know I shouldn’t be the one to judge but I’m in college some of these girls doesn’t even look like they know what sex even is and as you can guess most of them are alone like me difference is I didn’t have to be by myself today god when am I going to get over it move on Sash he’s gone!
Every time without fail when I’m sat here waiting to be seen my heart skips so many beats I feel like I’m going to pass out with worry I always fear that something is wrong, always thinking the worse what if the baby is not ok, what will I do then. “Sash-Kay Jenkins” finally my name has been called all these crying babies were starting to drive me mad I never understood why kids were allowed in here scaring all the first time moms I can see most people have that stink worried look on their face like ‘OMG this is what my life is going to be like’ I just try not to think about it it’s too late to change my mind now.
“Hi how are you doing this morning” the nurse asks me “I’m doing great” I replied I was totally6 lying my back hurts my feet hurt I feel like a walking hazard plus I really do not like this nurse she always has some fake attitude I don’t like that just be real if you hate your job why are you here anyway making everyone else miserable its suppose to be a happy time new life and all don’t need miss grumpy putting moods down got to give her props she tries to look happy but I guess not everyone can act. Here goes the sex of my baby coming up I have no idea what she’s doing I think she’s trying to find my baby’s private parts that sounds kind of pervy doesn’t it HA! “here we go…” she found it my heart starts beating faster “your having a boy!” wow she sounds more excited than I do ok so I’m having a boy waiting to smile, I can’t smile I guess I’m happy but I really wish Dan was here now who’s going to teach him the man things cause I’m still having trouble figuring them out myself. I guess I’m just going to have to work that out as I go along before I left she gave me some photo’s of the scan I’m not very fond of them cause every time I look at one I feel like I’m carrying an alien in my womb weird but yes you never know Dan could have some secrets hidden in his closet right LOL. “Make sure to take it easy Sash” wish I could but drama and stress has become my life.
As I was walking out the hospital you wouldn’t guess who I saw Dan with his hand around a girl I suspect that’s his new woman, my heart sank I literally stopped breathing for a second I couldn’t move I was in a temporary stand still then there it was tears started falling from my eyes breathe Sash breathe please!!
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