Diary Entry - February 28th 2010

Today I woke up in my usual I hate the world kind of mood, still abit syked about Friday’s events but I’m slowly getting over it, I haven’t called him I don’t know why because I’ve just been thinking about him constantly, and it wouldn't seem like I’m chasing him down because he has tried to contact me I’ve just been too coward and too ashamed to even call back, what is wrong with me I’m gonna be miserable for the rest of my life, alone with 12 cats in a council hows with two bedrooms hoping/wishing for some company, what a shame. Well I’m living for today not tomorrow men can wait.Today is Sunday and like a good girl I should be going to church and then coming back home to make a lovely Sunday dinner and cozy up infront of the tele with my parents but I’m not a good girl am I so my agenda for today is:

Go to Liz house and get absolutely pissed off my head, you’d think after the other night I wouldn’t drink again that would be a good excuse wouldn't it if anyone found out "I was drunk" but that would make it sound like he took advantage and I was fully sober, ok maybe not fully sober kind of high but still I knew what I was doing. I just hope Liz can allow me to have fun today without talking about the other night and her wildly activities we all know she slept with him and it went wrong but I really do not care, its not like I'm any better now is it but I’m supposed to be the sensible one sure I get drunk in the company of my friends and I smoke but I’m not completely stupid I do know what's right and what's wrong it’s just not easy being sensible all the time sometimes a girl just needs abit of adventure... right? 

So I’m at Liz’s house and then someone starts to knock the door I really thought it was just gonna be us two having a mad night but guess not she invited more company I didn’t mind because they were my girls too Kate and Emily, I just hope they don’t have any questions for me either, they came over with one of their friends Jessica me and Jessica never got on for some reason she thinks I’m a bitch I think she too stuck up not everyone can be friends. I really do think that Liz, Emily and Kate are trying to get us to agree with each other you know kiss and make up but that is sooo not happening I’m too stubborn for that if I don’t like you I don’t like you that it finito end of let it gooooo. She did say to me but I just nodded shes so fake i know for a fact she didn't want to say anything to me, but anyway forget about her she isnt important well atleast I thought she wasn't.

Half way through the night and everyone is toxicated its hilarious Liz is rolling on the floor, Kate won’t stop laughing and Emily is just sat there with a dead look on her face yeah she’s the light weight, I didn’t feel in the mood to get drunk so I just sipped my one glass slowly while everyone else was busy taking shots. We started to play truth or dare, I hated this game because if you choose truth they will try and get the dirtiest confession out of you and god forbid I chose dare I don’t know what they would do to me but I'll just have to stick it out because I kind of knew where the questions would come from so it was dare after dare after dare. Jessica kept choosing truth which was kind of funny knowing your enemies truths she had some saucy ones too, one question stood out though have you ever had a one night stand and with who, she answered "yes with a guy named Dan" my heart started beating out of my chest could this be the same guy I was with now I really feel like a victim, was this really normal for him does he do this all the time?

Everyone conked out by the end of the night except for Jessica and I, I knew I promised myself I would never have a conversation with this girl but I had to ask I just had to know if this was the same guy that got me so i started piling on the questions "where is he from, where did it happen, how old was he, what did he look like?"... she looked at me as if I was crazy she must be think why is this girl asking me so many questions but she went along with it anyway maybe it was the alcohol or she could secretly want my friendship HA! She started describing him she said "he was brown, tall, muscular and he was the perfect gentleman" everything about him was the same I didn’t bother asking anymore questions I was so convinced it was him so why bother. I deleted his number (I couldn't bring myself to delete his Facebook you know just in case) I wasn’t about to try and get close to a one nighter its clear this is just what he does he’s most likely to cheat on me, thank god for this night I could have made a bad decision with this one.